So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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