grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
