How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
