I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
