Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
