i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
