dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
