this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
