i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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