If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
