Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
