well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
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