I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
