So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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