margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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