3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
