girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
