and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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