absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I can't turn off my feet"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
