mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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