Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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