Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
of course. lets lasso hookers.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
