why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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