The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
