I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
