So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
