Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
