her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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