Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
