Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Your penis caused this!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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