So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
