she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
