i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
