Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
