I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
