my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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