she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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