i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The struggles of a small town man whore
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
