I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
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The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
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i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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