in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
