I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
