HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
