Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
