dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
