After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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