Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
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Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
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Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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