update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
