Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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