I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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