Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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