If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
