Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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