...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
