Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
