I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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