You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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