btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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