i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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