im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
