Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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