haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
