i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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