i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
