Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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