i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
