hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
