U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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