Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
What a dumb baby whore.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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