i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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