HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Did I show you my penis last night?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
