Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
