You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
