I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i barfeds in our rink
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
