i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
