I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
