I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
