he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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