I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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