Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
