Having a random hookup so left but love u
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
