dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
