I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
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