I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
