That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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