apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
