Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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