ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
