Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
