We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
