I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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