So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
